This evening I traveled my usual subway route back home to Wall St.
As I got off the train and walked past the many locked gates, following the crowd to the one open exit entering the street, I very slowly walked upstairs passing the many police and military personnel. As I stopped at the police barricades, I slowly lifted my eyes to look at the site of the WTC. I had seen this site many times before, in glory, not in destruction.
I took for granted those magnificent buildings towering into the clouds; I took for granted all the people who worked in those great towers bringing them to life. I now stared at the blocks and blocks of wreckage that was once our WTC. They were the symbol of a free world, and you know what? They still are.
Yes, physically they have fallen, but what they stood for still exists in spirit. They can be felt -stronger than ever, and now all over the world.
The beautiful NY skyline will be forever altered, but her spirit will never change. There is a new heart in the city, felt everywhere, and actually a new heart in our country, a pulsating passion for freedom and peace. We lost many heroes, thousands in that building; the amazing men and women who gave and risked their own lives to help strangers. All the people who worked there who didn't make it out, their families and friends. Yes, our brothers and sisters lost many, some a father, mother, child, husband, boss, worker, friend. And all the people who lost the first person they would see, or greet in the morning, the many friends one makes in the workplace, and this was no ordinary workplace, these buildings housed 50 thousand on any given day.
They are all heroes, and they need love, support and much prayer. On that fated day, many watched the buildings they worked in and loved crumble in a black cloud, taking their friends and family with them. As they watched on TV in horror and disbelief, or ran from the crumbling buildings, crying and covered in the dust of death, all were bathed in shock and horror. This could not be happening, but it was, and the sight, smells, sounds and emotions they can never run from. Grief and trauma was now embedded in their spirit. It is now embedded in all our spirits; for we learned that day that the freedom and security we once knew would never be the same.
I was a few blocks away in my apartment when the first plane hit. The sound of that plane tearing through the tower I will never forget. I knew at that moment many were dead. I huddled in fear as I listened to the sounds of death. How can one ever forget the sight, smell and sound, of it all? I never will, as I prayed and waited in fear, were we being attacked, 'Was the whole city under siege? Was it the end of the world? Well, that's what it felt like and I really thought I might die that morning.
I took for granted those magnificent buildings towering into the clouds; I took for granted all the people who worked in those great towers bringing them to life. I now stared at the blocks and blocks of wreckage that was once our WTC. They were the symbol of a free world, and you know what? They still are.
Yes, physically they have fallen, but what they stood for still exists in spirit. They can be felt -stronger than ever, and now all over the world.
The beautiful NY skyline will be forever altered, but her spirit will never change. There is a new heart in the city, felt everywhere, and actually a new heart in our country, a pulsating passion for freedom and peace. We lost many heroes, thousands in that building; the amazing men and women who gave and risked their own lives to help strangers. All the people who worked there who didn't make it out, their families and friends. Yes, our brothers and sisters lost many, some a father, mother, child, husband, boss, worker, friend. And all the people who lost the first person they would see, or greet in the morning, the many friends one makes in the workplace, and this was no ordinary workplace, these buildings housed 50 thousand on any given day.
They are all heroes, and they need love, support and much prayer. On that fated day, many watched the buildings they worked in and loved crumble in a black cloud, taking their friends and family with them. As they watched on TV in horror and disbelief, or ran from the crumbling buildings, crying and covered in the dust of death, all were bathed in shock and horror. This could not be happening, but it was, and the sight, smells, sounds and emotions they can never run from. Grief and trauma was now embedded in their spirit. It is now embedded in all our spirits; for we learned that day that the freedom and security we once knew would never be the same.
I was a few blocks away in my apartment when the first plane hit. The sound of that plane tearing through the tower I will never forget. I knew at that moment many were dead. I huddled in fear as I listened to the sounds of death. How can one ever forget the sight, smell and sound, of it all? I never will, as I prayed and waited in fear, were we being attacked, 'Was the whole city under siege? Was it the end of the world? Well, that's what it felt like and I really thought I might die that morning.
I didn't know if I would live as the day turned tonight, as the blackness of the falling buildings engulfed our building in a cloud of dust and debris. As each building fell and the walls quivered, I held my girlfriend and prayed. And then the flood of tears and anguish came, screaming out for the thousands of people I knew were in that area, and for my very dear friend Brian, who I knew worked in Tower 1.
That's when we lost power, and that's when I could feel the souls of thousand leaving the earth. I cried and prayed for the souls I knew were gone, so fast, so unexpected. I felt the pain, the fear and the loss. My body started shaking, I was never so full of anguish in my life. All my body and soul felt was the sound of the WTC collapsing and the sound of the people crying for help.
We remained in darkness with a candle and a radio. My girlfriend and I spent the rest of the day into evening listening to fighter planes and choppers overhead. The sound of the snow plows picking up the debris and many inches of ash sounded like gunfire in the streets.
We cried ourselves to sleep. We woke to a great stillness, as if there had been a great snowstorm. Everything outside was white and quiet, very quiet. So we packed a few things and made our way down 10 flights of blackness. We were at the street, and in shock, as we covered our mouths with scarfs. We saw what we never thought we would see on our shores, no less in the great city of New York. Military tankers and personnel were everywhere, carrying large guns atop the tanks, and on top of our buildings. Yes, there were tanks heading down Wall Street. Does anyone ever think they will see this?
There were more police then I have ever seen in my life, and those sounds, the sounds of rescue where everywhere with a most haunting melody. As I write I must stop as I catch my breath and wipe my tears. Because I still can't believe this happened.
The sites and sounds are scratched upon my soul and a great sadness with it.It is the eve of the second week since the attack.
The shock has not gotten better but worse. Police, firefighters and military are everywhere so brave and caring. I want to hug every one of you.
There is also a strange quiet in the streets, and a reserve in the subways. People don't push and are quicker to offer their seats. There doesn't seem to be different races anymore either, it has all changed, we now realize we are all one and we fight a much bigger enemy than our own bigotry. For when the WTC was attacked, all Americans and the free world was attacked. A part of us all was lost that day, but a renewed strength and spirit has replaced it. We all need to be proud and to discard any guilt we may feel.
We need to dance with love and life, for life on this planet is short, and one never knows when we, or a loved one will leave it.
My fellow New Yorkers and Countrymen have shown a unity of love that I am so proud to be a part of. To be part of the family we call America and part of the family of the free world. I am damn proud as we renew our faiths, renew our spirits and fight for truth.
So, if I may borrow from a great late night TV show, 'LIVE FROM NEW YORK CITY!' We will survive stronger then ever. May God bless and protect you and your family. Remember, when fear besieges your soul and heart, hold the hand of the Divine, hold it real tight, and you will realize, no matter what the loss: YOU make a difference, we are all needed now, love is needed now.
Don't give up the good fight.
Bean-girl
(written two weeks after September 11, 2001)
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